September 17, 2015

We all go to the doctor and get that question, “Have you been experiencing any stress lately?” Who the hell says no to this?! If you don’t experience stress I’m pretty sure you are not contributing to society properly. We live in a world overwhelming us with bad news every minute of the day. Yes, we are all stressed.

I know stress. Too much to do, not enough time to do it, over extended, maxed out.

I know panic really well. Those intense moments of holy sh*t, I’ve gotta get out of this room full of people. Or holy sh*t, that spider is going to kill me. Or holy sh*t get me outta this dentist’s chair. Panic is my default really. I am quite comfortable with panic. It’s relatively quick and not based in reality. It goes away.

Now I’m discovering anxiety. I truly had no idea it was any different than panic. But anxiety is based in reality. Cancer is my reality. And the anxiety is not going away easily. This is going to be a long haul. There is tension in my stomach that makes me want to vomit, a tightness in my chest that goes all the way up to my throat. And. It. Doesn’t. Go. Away.

For years I’ve brushed off people complaining about anxiety because I ignorantly thought they were making a big deal out of a small thing. I was so wrong and I apologize to anyone that experiences anxiety on a daily basis. It’s the typical scenario of you-don’t-know-until-it-happens-to-you. In a way I’m glad I’m experiencing anxiety so I can have more compassion for those around me.