Change is good

Cancer is changing me. I tend to move through things quickly, but cancer is a different story. I can’t move through it, it has to move through me. At the same time, I never realized how adaptable I am.  I’ve already adjusted to being bald. It’s not so bad, and do I tend to change my hair style every year or so. So this year will be the No-Doo.

It’s the process of losing things that’s hard for me, not the aftermath. While I’m losing things, I feel the utter sense of having no control and that something is being taken from me. I accept it when it’s done, but I fall apart during the process.

I am more ok with the idea that everything has an apparent expiration date: my breast, my lymph nodes, my hair. They all bit the dust sooner than I would have liked, but I’m ok with it.

Cancer has forced me to re-evaluate so many things and every time I dig a little deeper I find something new. I’m becoming someone who lives for the moment, I just wish cancer wasn’t the reason. I would have rather chosen that that path on my own, but I am grateful for the opportunity to challenge myself.

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One response

  1. I love this insight that you are expressing and sharing. What you are enduring and expressing and sharing is changing my life, in the sense of ” yeah, I am going to live in the now, because I don’t want cancer to make me decide that for me, like it did for Leah. ” you and I are similar in the sense that we want to be able to control all that affects us, and when we can’t we feel powerless. But what you are teaching me is that now is all we have. I wish you an amazing holiday. And I am grateful for you. Peace and light.

    Liked by 1 person

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