I am in a crosshair. It’s the place where everything is different, yet everything is exactly the same. I’m just beyond looking like I have cancer, but right under the surface is a ten-inch scar. My very short hair could be seen as a choice at this point.
People see what they want to see. They see that I am working, and that my hair is growing, so therefore I am fine. Nothing is usually what it seems, no matter what the surface looks like.
But I’m working too much, too hard. It is a constant work that is unfortunately unavoidable right now. I don’t mind working hard. It’s usually very good for me to stay busy physically, but it is wearing me down now.
I am not the same person I was nine months ago physically. Cancer has kicked my ass over and over and over. My body doesn’t recover the way it used to from a strenuous day. It feels like it doesn’t recover at all. I am tired, very tired.
The Best Worst Case 
Sending you healing energy, and the strength to rest a bit and find the stillness within to just be. XO
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I totally feel you. The chemo aftereffects SUCK and because I’m not actually in the thick of it anymore I feel like, I don’t know, people must think I’m malingering. Hang in there. Remember it can take a whole year until we know how things will really be.
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I understand how you feel. When I finished my last chemotherapy in December last year, I thought I would be back to “normal” in a couple of months. My situation is nothing like yours – being retired I can kick back – but the overall drain of energy is depressing. I try to take it one day at a time as I’m sure you do also. Know that I am sending you all my love and positive energy. I’m looking forward to that bottle of wine with you!!!!
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Team Chemo keeps telling me I’ll bounce right back a few months after treatment, but I know better from [many] posts like this. This whole method of eliminating cancer with chemo and surgery by systematically dismantling ourselves both mentally and physically, there is no way to bounce right back! I’m sorry for your disappointment in this stage of things, but it will, as everything does, change – and I wish you patience through it. I admire you for pushing yourself physically all day. Wishing you restful nights!
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