I am in a crosshair. It’s the place where everything is different, yet everything is exactly the same. I’m just beyond looking like I have cancer, but right under the surface is a ten-inch scar. My very short hair could be seen as a choice at this point.

People see what they want to see. They see that I am working, and that my hair is growing, so therefore I am fine. Nothing is usually what it seems, no matter what the surface looks like.

But I’m working too much, too hard. It is a constant work that is unfortunately unavoidable right now. I don’t mind working hard. It’s usually very good for me to stay busy physically, but it is wearing me down now.

I am not the same person I was nine months ago physically. Cancer has kicked my ass over and over and over. My body doesn’t recover the way it used to from a strenuous day. It feels like it doesn’t recover at all. I am tired, very tired.